with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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