this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
