I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
