You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
