Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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