Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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