4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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