Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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