He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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