I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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