If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
