Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
