I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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