check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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