i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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