she was so not down for the gang bang
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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