Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
