i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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