My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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