Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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