It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Green mimosas i think yes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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