no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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