miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
