I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you win again, gameday.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....