wrigley field is MILF paradise
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins