I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH