I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
handjob tips. give me some.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
