Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
