just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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