I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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