glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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