So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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