we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
