I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
