Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
