I think my vagina is haunted
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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