You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
