youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
