I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize