Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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