38 yer olds are good kisserssss
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
