This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
