She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
