Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
