u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
