We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
