it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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