This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
