Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she smelled like a LAN party
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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