I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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