I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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