Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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