Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
