I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When are your genitals available?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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