shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
