I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
