I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
