yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
