Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
