He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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