we're chasing vodka with high fives
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
