I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
