she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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