I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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