Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
