Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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