I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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