I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want nice things and good sex
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
